Year Six…. And still I find myself in front of the same keyboard trying to string together the emotions my heart just can’t contain. Everyone was right… some things are getting easier, and some things remain the same. The hole in our hearts is still there, but it’s healing… slowly filling back up with the good stuff that once filled it to the brim.

I can remember my best days with you now and not instantly swell up with buckets of tears sitting on go at the edge of these brown eyes you gave me. I can finally breathe in summer and lay under the sun now without remembering all the horrific fragments of this day six years ago… instead I’ll choose to remember things like our phone conversation that morning. We made plans for the 4^th, talked about babies due, and how great the weather was. It was the last seventeen minutes and seventeen seconds I had with you. Your voice. Your laugh. All mine.

I can say little things you used to say and not get choked up, but instead smile that you came to mind.

I can look in the mirror and catch uncanny glimpses of you when I smile with your smile.

I still see you in every child God gave me.

I still remember you every day. Every time.

Today, I’ll still be thankful.

I’ll be ready to remember… ready to just try …ready to inhale every single ounce of happiness you brought into our lives.

You were loaned to us for fifty one years. Twenty five of them were mine….

I can do things now, Momma.

I’m proud of me.

I think you would be too.