For you parents out there with multiple children, this one’s for you.

Just last weekend my wife and I were at Costco, and like we always do upon arrival in our parking space, we whip out the checklist. Shoes, check. Clothes still on, check. “Daddy I have to pee really bad”, check. Now… our Chevy Suburban stays in a constant state of ruin. It’s unacceptable. Between the socks they wore last week, the smashed Capri- Suns thrown about, and the dirty diaper that was thrown in the very back last year sometime, it is quite the undertaking trying to get us all out of the car and into the store in one jumbled up screaming piece. So the more I thought about it, I realized that having multiple kids is a lot like herding cattle. Here’s what I mean…

They must be steered. Like I said, getting each one of them out of the car and corralling them in a huddle is one thing, but shuffling them into the store piece by piece is another. One of them wants to run, one wants to walk, one wants to stand still and finish making a shockingly dirty diaper, and the youngest one is desperate to get out of her car seat. Let’s not forget about the halfway point into the store where one of them realizes she doesn’t have the right colored bow, or when one throws his shoes on the hood of a nearby car (and can’t seem to remember which one) So there we are… stranded in the middle of a parking lot looking for shoes and a suitably colored hair bow. After we find one shoe and the designer hair bow, I think we may be ready for attempt number two. (or nine) This time we get them all lined up and holding hands, like Red Rover in elementary P.E. I even thought about running up to the entrance of the store and shouting to Erica “Red Rover- Red Rover, send the dirty one right over!” We do eventually accomplish the debacle of wrangling them all inside. Now they’re ready to eat some free samples, and Erica and I are ready to surrender.

 

They graze all day. They may be small, but they can put away some grub. I’m convinced the pantry is their favorite room to play in. Like every single kid in the world, they’ll snack around all day, but when it comes time for an actual meal, they have all of a sudden lost interest. Can’t imagine why. I’m sure it had nothing to do with the fact that they’ve probably eaten their weight in gummy snacks, bananas, and have consumed 2 gallons of milk, each. Yes, you will eat those green beans.

 

They will poop standing up. I really don’t even need to explain this one. This primarily comes during the throws of potty training. For most, this will usually start when your child has mastered “tee teeing on the potty” but still struggles with “pooping on the potty.” Once ours would get to this stage, we would try a Pull Up and make sure they knew to run to the potty when they had to poop. No success. (still going in the pull up) We try putting them in regular big boy/ girl underwear thinking surely they will not poop in their underwear. Pshhhh. Before you know it, they come running back in the living room in search of gummy snacks while half of that repulsive load rolls out of their Spider Man/Minnie Mouse briefs… onto your feet. After the Pull Up stage, it’s time to get down to business, so we take the underwear off completely, leaving naked fannies running about with no shame whatsoever. None. SURELY, we think, this is going to fix the issue. We just know they’ll poop on the potty now since there is nothing there to “catch” anything….. Nope….. They will drop it like it’s hot in front of your face (Whilst eating gummies)

So there you have it. Kids really are like cattle. Uncanny isn’t it?

I could sit here and say that we have enjoyed these things, but that would be lying. No parent wants to pinch fresh poop off of a shag rug with a store brand paper towel. We’re real parents, with real kids, in the real world. All we can do is endure the times and do our damnedest to find the laughter and delight in these hectic and unorganized days. They’re our cattle. Our flock. Our responsibility.

They won’t last forever, I’m told, and I believe it more and more every day.

 He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs close in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. Isaiah 40:11